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Fri, Aug. 1st, 2008, 02:13 pm
sibilantmacabre: Things you’d like to say out loud at work – but can’t.

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a damn word you're saying.
10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing &still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

Mon, Sep. 17th, 2007, 10:02 pm
windychan121: A lot goes on...

I'm new here, I was just doing my usual scanning of livejournal and came across this community. Some background information about where I work. For the past 3 years I've been working in a Deli enviornment for Sobeys Grocery Store (Ontario). My boss rules, however there are some things that she should know about. A lot goes on when she's there, of course right? All the higher up people are around so everyone works... when she goes home, and the other managers go back to work. What happens in the department? Squat!

Notes to the boss:

Tell the truth when you write them. From what I hear, from other employees and other stories from school and LJ, they do catch on. Don't say on your note " I'm going to a family event. I need this day off." then, on your MSN put " hey my band I'm managing is playing that day I asked off, ask me for more details! " . I'm not a supervisor, or a boss. But being there a little bit longer then this person you shouldn't lie for your day off.

When the Boss is off Duty:

Doesn't mean you can sit down on the U-cart (Where we put the used boxes / garbage junk on it, and produce had stuff on it too ) and slack off. Yes, your co-workers slack off when your not around. They hide from customers by the sink " Pretending " to do dishes. Leaving me, with seven people in line in a rush wanting their lunch meats. Working with senior students in highschool is tough. seeing how the girls tend to flirt with the two guys on the other side of the department, while the boys are trying to ignore them.

When your on: They attempt to do the work. They fake clean , just make more of a mess. When you leave, they complain about the job that you gave them to do that day such as : clean the cheese area.

But yeah, just a short thing of what goes on when my boss isn't around. . . makes me wonder if she's seen the video cameras lately?

Sat, Sep. 15th, 2007, 08:48 pm
sibilantmacabre: Ohhhh, dude...

Y'know, it wasn't that bad a thing when I was transferred to your store. Less busy, more actual work in my specified areas (which is really cool in retail, yo), and a generally laid-back environment, which I have grown to enjoy.


Dude, you're the STORE MANAGER. You're the one responsible for making sure shit gets done. So, why, pray, did the fact that one of us had to stay overnight for a computer installation shock you? Hell, you only received the email a week ago! I know this, because I read the store's email! Why were you stumped and surprised when I happened to mention it Tuesday morning of that same week!? Hadn't you read it?? Christ Almighty man! All you do is sit in your office on the computer! I figured you had all that crap down!

But no.

You had no clue about that, did you? Hell no. And on top of all that, you volunteered ME for that little gem. Which I really appreciated, let me tell you. It was a complete joy to disrupt my sleep schedule on a day's notice and completely rearrange my life to cover your ineptness. And then come in the following day and work a nine hour shift. Dude, you rock. Would to God you roll off a cliff somewhere.

I like you, don't get me wrong. You're a very nice guy, but I wonder where your brain is. I mean, really. How can I respect your decisions when you're as absentminded and incompetent as the little white speck on top of a pile of chicken shit?

Oh, by the way. All this computer shit is the job of the OPS MANAGER. I'm an AREA MANAGER, last I checked. Our OPS MANAGER needs to be the one pulling these damned shifts, especially since he's been through this before he came to our store! Last time I checked the job descriptions, it plainly stated that R's job was to oversee any new equipment in our store. That's his job.

And, since you're pulling me into this crap, my departments aren't getting the attention they need. My people are great, but they need direction. I can't do everything in the bloody store, and I'm damned if I'm working another thirteen hour night just because I know my way around computers and can bond with the tech-boys. We have four other area managers in the store. Plus R, whose job this crap is in the first place!


Note - I apologize for the randomness. This has been brewing for three days and I just expelled it randomly. Thanks for listening. =)

x-posted to co_workers_suck

Fri, Dec. 2nd, 2005, 05:45 pm
norajeans: I Highlighted the Selected Text

Boss has information she needs to fax over to a client. She highlights pertinent information and faxes it over. Think about that.

Coworker: Uh, I don't think that highlighter is going to show when you fax that over.
Boss: What are you talking about? You don't know what you're talking about. OF COURSE the highlights are going to show.
Coworker: N.... nevermind.

< Later >

Client: So this thing you faxed me, what am I suppose to do with it?
B: Just send < blah blah blah highlighted information > to the address I highlighted.
C: What highlights?
B: The information I highlighted!
C: I don't see anything.
B: I'm looking at it right now! I highlighted it before I sent it to you with my highlighter.
C: You highlighted it? With a highlighter?
B: Yes!
C: How the hell am I suppose to see that?!?

Fri, Nov. 18th, 2005, 11:50 pm
norajeans: A Celebration of Dubious Sorts

This November we celebrate Thanksgiving, National Adoption Month, American Diabetes Month, National American and Alaska Heritage Month, Lung Cancer Awareness Month and National Novel Writing Month.

But this November we also celebrate the one year anniversary of our agency's move to our current office. This means we celebrate the fact that it is now officially one year since our bathroom has been cleaned. The mysterious creamy-yellowish line running down the length of the toilet, the ring around the toilet and our grey sink bear testament to our boss frugalness and general hygiene. Sadly the bathroom still smells much better than she does.

Mon, Nov. 14th, 2005, 04:54 pm
sibilantmacabre: My patience is running so thin.

Bwana, look. I realize you're new. I realize you didn't want to take over our store in the first place. I realize we're shorthanded. But for GOD'S SAKES, DON'T MAKE A BIGGER MESS THAN IS NECESSARY! Shit! I got news for you. I can only do so much, I'm just one person, for crying out loud. AND, I have my own damned department to run. Which consists of the care of quite a few LIVE ANIMALS! So, I'm sorry, moving pallets of cat litter and dog food are quite secondary to me and my crew. Especially when there are reports, counts, and sign off sheets I have to do, not to MENTION the care and maintenance of my fish system, plant tanks, and other habitats and whatnot that COMES FIRST.

DON'T PUT THE STUFF IN MY WAY IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE ANYONE WORK IT! We don't have TIME on Monday morning to clean up behind your damned overnight crew! You gotta quit trying to get everyone to do everyone else's job and hold folks accountable. We're busy, we ARE. And yet you bitch about things not getting done. WHO HAS THE TIME! When you're over there slinging dog food bags around, SOMEONE has to run the damned store! And then YOU gripe cause things aren't finished! Feaking DUH!!! I'm SO sick of you grouching and threatening folks with their jobs. We do what we can. NONE of us are slacking, buddy. I know you're not either, but GET A CLUE! PLEASE, before you drive us all to QUIT!

[ a zillion subject holes in that, but felt good to write it. ]

Fri, Oct. 14th, 2005, 03:49 pm
quality_gal: Yeah, dude, I, um, quit...?

On September 1st, I handed in my written notice. I sat down and had a meeting with my supervisor, Pistol Pete (Napoleon Bonaparte, if he had no people skills and wasn't actually good at anything). During this meeting, I believe certain words were said. Those words?

I quit.

Unfortunately, I also told him that I wouldn't cut out on the department immediately, because I know it takes longer than two weeks to find and train someone for my job. (Our company is highly dysfunctional, and my position has no backup... that's another story.) He agreed that the course of action to follow was to get someone else in here, get them trained, and then I would leave. Hunky-dory solution, right? Everyone is happy, everyone is on good terms, yay!

Maybe it should've sent up a battalion of red flags when he added at the close of the meeting, 'Let me know if you change your mind.' I can't think how, but apparently this guy went to the same school of behavior as the object of my last aborted relationship, Simon, did. You know, the one where they teach you that 'I want to slow this down' translates to 'Call me every hour to find out if I love you.' Anyhow, I didn't let Pete know anything, because I hadn't changed my mind. I openly discussed quitting. I sent out query letters. El Presidente knew I was going.

Pistol Pete put a hold on the search for another quality analyst. He did this about a week after I quit, my friend-lady and sorta-manager told me she learned. He wasn't even looking, and I've been hanging on in a nightmare situation. As of Monday, my two weeks went in.

What's even more mind-boggling? He won't say hello to me! Not a word! Ha! This is the same guy, who, two days after I turned in my initial notice, had me moved to a desk without a computer and had them shut off my company email. Bad QA, bad! Go to your corner! This is the same interim technical director whose job was to look for a new technical director--he keeps putting in his own proposals for hiring and has only briefly interviewed one person! This is the guy that told me a cute story about how his parents had gotten him a puppy, aww, and he loved the puppy, aww, and one day he was making himself a sandwich and the puppy jumped on the table and ate the sandwich--AND THEY GOT RID OF THE PUPPY FOR IT.

I couldn't write this man. Not if I tried. *Gapes*

Tue, Oct. 11th, 2005, 08:07 pm
norajeans: The Camera is there for a Reason

We work on the second floor of our building. The first floor is parking. On the third floor is a stock company. My boss would often go up to the third floor and post articles on the stock office's door and on the wall every day. The articles would be about how people had ruined their lives or lost their life savings playing the stock market.

Not long after security cameras were installed.

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